How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything—Yes, Anything!

Ellis argues that anger, anxiety, and depression are not merely unnecessary—they are unethical because when one allows oneself to become emotionally disturbed, one is being unfair and unjust to oneself . This is a distinctive Ellis claim: he treats self-disturbance as a kind of moral failure against the self, not merely a clinical problem. The ethical dimension follows from his view that humans have the capacity to choose their emotional responses, and failing to exercise that capacity is a form of self-betrayal. The book teaches that refusing to make yourself miserable is therefore both a psychological skill and a matter of self-respect.

The book is organized around fourteen 'insights' that guide readers through the REBT method. They include: identifying appropriate versus inappropriate feelings; recognizing that you control your emotional destiny; understanding the tyranny of 'must' beliefs; refusing to be ruled by a 'horrible past'; actively disputing irrational beliefs; and learning that maintaining change is harder than achieving it . Later insights address backsliding (do not give up when you revert), expanding your training program, and the final insight that you can stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything. This structure moves from awareness through disputation to maintenance, reflecting REBT's emphasis on lasting philosophical change.

A Guide to Rational Living (1961) was Ellis's first popular self-help book, co-authored with Robert Harper, and introduced the ten core irrational beliefs. How to Stubbornly Refuse (1988) is a later, more mature statement of Ellis's approach, written alone and reflecting decades of clinical refinement. It is structured around fourteen insights rather than ten beliefs, and emphasizes unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance as the core therapeutic goals . The tone is also more directly confrontational—Ellis explicitly frames emotional disturbance as unethical, a claim absent from the earlier book. Readers often describe this book as the best single-volume introduction to REBT .

Recurring criticisms include repetition and a scattered presentation style. Multiple reviewers note that Ellis's books 'describe basically the same approach,' with diminishing returns for those who have read other works . Some readers find the writing style difficult, with the first two chapters requiring dictionary use, though persisting is generally recommended . A significant stylistic complaint is Ellis's tendency to repeatedly affirm his own points—'We don't need really? Yes, really! after every other sentence' . One reviewer described the book as 'simplistic and repetitive, with too many qualifiers,' though others counter that Ellis's conversational style makes the material accessible .

Unconditional self-acceptance (USA) is the central positive goal that replaces the disputation of irrational beliefs. Ellis teaches that rather than rating oneself as good or bad based on achievements or approval, one should accept oneself as a fallible human who is neither worthless nor godlike. This is paired with unconditional other-acceptance and unconditional life-acceptance . The REBT Doctor blog describes this as the 'key to stubbornly refusing to be miserable about anything' . The therapeutic logic is that conditional self-esteem—rating oneself based on performance—creates vulnerability to anxiety and depression when performance falls short; USA removes that vulnerability by disconnecting self-worth from outcomes.

General reader reception is strongly positive, with many describing it as life-changing. One reader wrote that 'this book teaches you how to fish (psychologically speaking)' ; another said 'the book is a REVELATION to me' . A retired social worker noted the book's conversational style makes REBT accessible and useful for clients . Clinical readers use it as a reference for REBT techniques, with one student calling it 'a very useful reference tool for students studying Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy' . The book has been translated into multiple languages including German (1989), Japanese (1996), and Chinese (2014) .