The Myth of Self-Esteem: How Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Can Change Your Life Forever

Ellis argues that self-esteem is inherently conditional and therefore fragile. It requires individuals to rate themselves as worthy based on achievement, approval, or performance—which means they must also damn themselves as worthless when they fail or are rejected . In his framework, this global self-rating is the core cognitive error underlying depression, anxiety, and shame. He states that self-esteem is 'probably the greatest emotional disturbance known to humans' because it leaves people hating themselves when external validation is withdrawn . The alternative he proposes is unconditional self-acceptance (USA), which involves evaluating one's behaviors without globally rating one's entire self .

Self-esteem (or conditional self-acceptance) is based on meeting conditions: you are worthwhile if you succeed, approved of, or perform well. Unconditional self-acceptance (USA) means accepting oneself as a fallible human being regardless of performance or approval . Ellis cites philosopher Alfred Korzybski's principle that people are not their behaviors: one can evaluate one's actions, thoughts, and feelings without rating one's total self, which is too complex and ever-changing to evaluate . USA is described as affectively neutral but stable—it does not generate the euphoria of praise, but it also does not generate the despair of rejection .

Ellis devotes substantial chapters to examining how major religious and philosophical traditions anticipated the self-acceptance concept. He analyzes Lao Tsu's philosophy of humility and moderation, Jesus's teachings, Spinoza and Nietzsche on self-esteem, Kierkegaard, Buber, Heidegger, Sartre, and Paul Tillich's 'courage to be' . He also engages Buddhist thought through the Dalai Lama and D.T. Suzuki's Zen Buddhism . The purpose is to demonstrate that the critique of conditional self-worth is not a modern clinical invention but a recurring insight across wisdom traditions. A reviewer noted, however, that Ellis's interpretations of religious teachings may offend some readers .

The book includes three dedicated chapters of exercises: specific thinking, plotting, planning, and scheming techniques; emotive-evocative and experiential exercises; and behavioral exercises . These translate REBT's cognitive, emotive, and behavioral methods into self-directed practice. Ellis also includes appendices addressing perfectionism, demonstrating to people that they are not worthless individuals, and responding to David Mills's 'Overcoming Self-Esteem' . A reviewer recommended the book particularly for clients who have unsuccessfully worked on low self-esteem in therapy, describing it as offering 'a fresh perspective' on perfectionism and self-acceptance .

The Myth of Self-Esteem (2005) is closely linked to two other Prometheus Books volumes from Ellis's final years: The Road to Tolerance (2004) and Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors (2001). All three develop the theme of unconditional acceptance as the core of REBT's philosophical contribution . The Road to Tolerance focuses on the three unconditional acceptances—USA, UOA, and ULA—as a social and political philosophy. Overcoming Destructive Beliefs presents the mature theoretical revisions, including the Believing-Emoting-Behaving reformulation. The Myth of Self-Esteem is the most focused treatment of the self-esteem critique specifically, and is often described as among Ellis's best late-career works .

Psychology Today called it 'among his best: Every page offers a fresh insight into rational emotive behavior therapy, Ellis's doctrine of modern stoicism' . Jon Carlson of Governors State University described Ellis as 'a contemporary prophet whose ideas will be remembered along with those of Jesus, Buddha, Lao Tzu and Sartre' . Howard C. Cutler, co-author with the Dalai Lama, praised it as 'one more significant contribution' toward personal happiness and a better world . A Chi Sigma Iota reviewer recommended it for adult clients struggling with low self-acceptance or perfectionism, with the caveat that Ellis's interpretations of religion may offend some .